Now what?

So, it has been 5 weeks of Nick's steroid treatment. On Friday, his test results were back.....not good. His liver counts are 5 times higher than they were before (which the steroid was supposed to bring down), he is even more anemic, and his white count is down to 1.3 (this is the most concerning thing). Well, we had an appointment on Monday to see the PA--of coarse the Dr is out of town this week--and she was more concerned with the low white count because it means he is more prone to infections. Since he was tapering off of the steroids, he will continue to do that over the next week and follow-up with the Dr next week. The PA was also going to talk to the other Dr's to see what suggestions they might have. She mentioned a MRI of his biliary duct (to see if there was a blockage) and another medication that they use for cancer patients (but he would have to get his white count up). She mentioned this autoimmune hepatitis is tricky because you never know exactly how the immune system will react. Besides being able to keep food down, I haven't noticed much improvement with Nick. He is still tired, dizzy, weak, and constantly thirsty. We are discouraged. I think that we have been pretty positive about the steroid's working until last week, and now I feel like we are back at square one. I keep thinking that he will just get better if I pray harder, have more faith, read my scriptures more, attend the temple, and be more patient with my kids. I feel like I have to be "perfect" for him to be "cured". I've wondered if his sickness is a test to teach me a lesson and I have yet to find the "right" answer. I hope that the reason the steroids didn't work is because something else is going on that they have to find because if they don't find anything else then what will we do??? I feel so selfish because I know that there are people that are dealing with worse problems and here I am complaining. Some days it is so hard to keep things in perspective. Today is one of those days.